my partner seems emotionless after our miscarriage?

[skookie]

ever since we found out a few days ago that there was no fetal heartbeat, as i cry he just asks if i want to go to my moms, while he goes out with his friends. i tried to lay with him last night, and he rolled over. he wont tell me he loves me anymore. i miscarried this morning, and he seems like he really doesnt care. it was an unplanned pregnancy, but for the two monthes we knew, he was so supportive, held my belly, helped me with chores etc. and not he wont even touch me. all he wants to do is go hang out with friends. and one of them even know we lost the baby either, so hes not talking to them about it. the one person i want to be with me is him, but i get more comfort from my cat then him. what do i do?

[Angry Bitter Woman]

He's hurt right now and men (most men) don't know how to deal with emotional pain very well. It's just day one, give him some time to heal. I know it's hard, I miscarried a few days before XMas and my husband was so upset that he ran out of the ER crying. Just tell him you're there to hear him out and that you're just as upset as him. Sorry for your loss honey, it will be okay.

[Earth Goddess]

i would move out and leave him he sounds very heartless sorry for your loss

[sammy's mammy]

men and women handle grief differently. He knows you are hurting, his normal response is to hurt/beat up/ remove the source of your pain. But he can't. He feels responsible for the pain, since he was the one who got you pregnant. You are both raw and emotional, and it may do you good to wait awhile before you talk about it. You may end up saying things you regret. I think the idea of going to your moms for a few days is good, she can give you some TLC he's not ready to give yet.

[Kim K]

maybe he was with you for the baby but now that its goen he is to

[BabiesDaddy]

People grieve in different ways. Perhaps he is being like that because deep down inside he really is hurting. He could just be the type of person who doesn't show emotion, and going to hang out with his friends probably makes him feel better. It seems odd the way he is acting towards you, but if it is really bothering you, just confront him and see what he says. I am sorry for your loss, my g/f and I lost our baby at almost 20 weeks. I still think about it all the time, but just remember that everything happens for a reason. Good Luck and keep your chin up : )

[thoroghlymodernalex]

one im very sorry about ur baby...my baby brother..or used to be brother was a miscarrage..its a really sad thing..i noe i cried and it wasnt even my baby....but my dad didnt really do anything he would just sit and act really happy and hyper, its just his way of coping with it, he thaught that if he was sad it would make my mom and all my bro's and sis's sad maybe that is wat ur husband is doing....this probally sounds wierd coming from an 1 year old but just let him act that way or tell him it would make you happy if he broke down and told you.

[Brittany]

Men grieve in very different ways than women. he is probably trying to act tough for you. Whatever you do, do not leave him. I don't know what that person in front of me is talking about, but I can promise you he is heart broken. I act very similar to the way he is acting when a relative dies. My moms mom died a couple years ago, and she srill hasn't seen me cry, because I cant her to know I'm strong. (silly, I know) I wouldn't force yourself on him to cuddle or anything, but see if he wants to go out to dinner or something. I am so sorry for your loss. Just remember that the child you do have in the future would not have been here if you didn't go through this.

[Juicy]

I truly feel for you and I am so sorry for you loss. I have had a m/c also so I know the feelings that you are going through. I don't know what to say but that he is most likely grieving in his own way. Have you ever been around him with any other tragedies? Did he act similar to the way he is now? If so then you have to think that it isn't you. When I was dealing with mine we had lost the baby at 19 weeks so needles to say we already knew that we were having a girl and we were very emotionally invested he took time off work with me because I was so far along that I had to go to the hospital to deliver but after a week of me being so depressed and crying all the time he acted as though when I am I going to just get over it????

It hurt me him acting this way he didn't understand... but a friend called me and told me that a couple years back she had a m/c at about the same time I did she was 5 months and afterward she lost her job she was severely depressed and cried all the time for about 6 months she finally went to the Dr and she needed medication for depression. After she told me this I forced myself to go back to work and face everyone knowing that I lost the baby I cried every time someone came up to me for at least a week and now here I am I don't know how it happened but started to heal and everyday I heal a little more. I know that my hormones played a great deal with my emotions during that time and you have to remember that guys don't always know what to do or how to comfort us.......I had to find comfort with a friend and maybe you will have to do the same in the long run it doesn't matter who it is that helps you through this as long as you start to heal get your life back!!

My prayers are with you

[belinda p]

he's a man and men don't 'talk' about their feelings maybe he' feeling guilty about the fact that he didn't want a baby in the first place (sorry harsh i know) and since you miscarried he feels ashamed of those feelings or he really wanted the baby and i too hurt to talk about it but doesn't want to get too close to you give him time he'll come around in the meantime don't push him to talk

[victoria r]

Firts of all i'd like you to know i'm really sorry for your loss. I dont think your partner is being knowingly cruel, I just think its his way of grieving. Its probably breaking his heart seeing you so upset; and being a male he cant deal with it. By ignoring the problem I think he is hoping it will just dissappear. You need to grieve to, but you may have to rely of family or frinds for the shoulder to cry on for a while. Try talking tohim about howyou feel. Counselling may help you both. All the best, and my thoughts are with you x

[emerald]

i know the feeling... i had a stillbirth three yrs ago and i remember my bf keeping to himself, not wanting to talk about it, wanting to go out without me, being angry for anything i'd say or do. At first i thought our relationship was over but later realized as it kept on going strong that it was his way of dealing with our loss. Men grieve in totally different ways and we may not like them ways or we may feel neglected but let him be for now. It took one yr for my bf to open up about our loss and let mei in on how he felt about about it, he assuered me he wasnt ever mad at me he just didnt know how to handle the loss and handle me being an emotional wreck so he had to just kinda back away from me for a bit until he was able to confront his own feelings. theres nothing you can do except let him be.... its difficult i know but its all you can do right now. for yourself theres an oline support group on yahoogroups.... check it out. its great!!!

[N3WY0RK]

HE IS SAD AND HURT ABOUT HE JUST DOSENT WANT TO SHOW IT